Entertainment these days...

"I said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat,"

These famous words were the the first major rap song in 1979, Rapper's Delight by the Sugarhill Gang. Since then, though, things have changed quite a bit in the music industry. Now messages of sex, violence, anger, pain, and hatred come through in the forms of modern pop culture. Rap is no longer about having fun and a good time: now it's about gangsta's, violence, sex, etc. which leads me to wonder, "What happened?" Did these messages somehow root from the Sugarhill Gang?. I don't think so. But it leads me to think: there was once a time when the vintage songs from the days of old used to be progressive, evil, taboo. As each decade of America has come and gone, the meaning of the word "taboo," has had a different meaning each time, the bar being raised constantly. Each generation from before sees the modern entertainment being shown to the young and becomes horrified at what gets shown to their children. Now though, in an age where near-nudity is shown constantly in commercials, where the loss of virginity is something to be achieved before twenty years of age, where violence in video games and in television is constant, where Justin Timberlake can rip off Janet Jackson's bra on national television, I am scared of what kinds of things will be exposed to my children in the future. However, like the generation before could never have imagined the kind of culture that exists today, I also cannot even begin to imagine what kind of culture the future will have. Decades ago, Gordon Moore created a postulate relating to the world of technology known as "Moore's Law": that processor speeds would always continue to grow at an exponential rate. The people in 1965 could never imagine the kind of sheer power, speed, and memory that is reflected in the average computer of an average household. Likewise, trying to imagine culture in the future in the useless. Things will have become so radically different that my wildest imaginations will not be able to imagine the kinds of things that my kids will have to face. Will it be drugs? Will it be sex? I don't know. But as I put my headphones on and bob my head to Rapper's Delight, I am relaxed, my thoughts resting on the powerful waves of the Sugarhill Gang's music. There will be a day when I will have to face a new culture with new meanings, but let that come another time. This music is great.

The Culture Barrier

Not long ago, while eating dinner with my family, I was shocked to learn that I was holding my chopsticks incorrectly. My uncle was the first to realize this, and, speaking in Korean to my mother, he pointed to my right hand. I gave a questioning look at my mom, being that I couldn't hear what my uncle was saying. My mom glanced at my chopstick-gripped hand and looked at me. "Judgahrag jalmot dirrudtdah," she said. I was confused. I knew and understood the meaning of the phrase: You're holding your chopsticks incorrectly, but, looking down at my hands, I couldn't possibly believe that, being a full-blooded Korean-American with a raised with over a decade of bhabb (rice), kalbi, ramyun, kimchi and multitudes of other Korean food, I did not know how to even hold chopsticks. My mom spent the next minute explaining to me my mistake in pinching the upper judgahrag between my thumb and forefinger, instead of between my index and middle finger with my thumb as a support, but for the next half-hour, I was ashamed of myself. Although it was no big deal with my mother and the rest of my family, it was for me. Added onto the fact that I cannot even fluently speak in Korean, my identity was slipping away.

Probably one of the largest regrets that I have now, is that I do not know how to speak the language of my parents, Korean, Hangil. It was my first language, and as an infant I grew up with it, being able to speak it with great fluency, though I was actually born in Chicago. However, sometime in kindergarten or first grade, my language went away as another took its place, English. I don't exactly remember how or when, but it happened, and now, the very essence of my Korean culture, the language, is nonexistent in my speech. Looking back at old family videos, one can see me speaking quickly and fluently in Korean. But what is left now is only a comprehension of that speech, the ability to translate it into English, but that is nothing. I can read the language, slowly, but still I can read. That too, now that I think of it, is nothing. I eat Korean food every single day, sometimes eating it several times a day. That too, is nothing. These things, I have tried to use in order to fill up the gap left, but by not being able to speak Korean, no surrogate can possibly fill up the cultural emptiness inside, because language is the very essence of a culture. America is a giant melting pot of cultures, and as I think about it more, I feel that I am caught up in that very melting pot, because the only language I can speak with fluency is English, the common language, the standard. I am no more Korean or Asian than Joe Bob from Alabama. I am what is called a gyopoh, a Korean foreigner, if that makes any sense.

Now one of my greatest insecurities is my inability to speak. I can try, and my mom tells me that I have the potential to speak, and that my pronunciation is near-perfect, but speaking, especially to a non-relative is absolutely nerve-racking. The fear of mispronunciation or of using the incorrect verb tense scares me, to the point where I prefere English over Korean when speaking to a Korean person. Even when visiting Korea I spoke in English, further labeling myself as an American.

Who am I? That question daunts over me more often each day. Will my kids be raised as Koreans? Or as Americans? Will my wife even be Korean? But, in the end, I am only fourteen. I still have time before it's too late. I still have time to learn how to speak my language, and in doing so, learn my identity. Someday, I will go back to Korea and be able to speak with confidence and act with confidence. I have already taken my first step in learning how: my chopstick holding ability is better than ever.

Where life ends...

When you are inches away from death, your life doesn't flash before your eyes. No, that is just a cliche. Instead you are overcome with a fear so great that even the most descriptive imagery cannot serve as a substitute for the real thing. You may think, "What the hell is this guy talking about?" but believe me, I know very well what I'm talking about. So much that it hurts.

---

"Hassan, Nick, Manait, come on guys, let's go out again." All of us had just finished a T-Run, a running path simply and affectionately referred to as the "T," among Niles West track runners. Going down and back Menard Street, it is a grueling 4.5 mile run and being the fourth personto come back from finishing it, I was proud, considering I was one of the slower guys on team. To further show my toughness and speed I decided to go outside again, ready to take on the cold, unforgiving weather that Chicagoans learn to love and hate.

"Dude...I dunno'. Tomorrow's a meet, and we're not really supposed to be overworking ourselves..." This was Hassan speaking, the second-fastest freshman on the team. He was sitting on a heater by the entrance, and bit his lip. "I got here like, fifteen minutes ago... I ran the last T pretty fast. I don't think I could do another one."

"Aww, come on man. I'm not even tired!" I goaded him,"If we want to improve, we need to run more. Come with me, guys. With or without you, I'm gonna' run anyways."

He fell for my bluff. "Fine...let's run then...but, how about we just run to Dempster instead of the whole thing?" Hassan asked. I nodded in agreement. "Well, lets run then." He got up from the heater, and the other two, Nick and Manait, followed suit. We stretched out for a bit and jogged out the entrance.

I felt good. The wind in my face, I took a deep breath of cool, refreshing air, and running a few strides ahead of my teammates, I felt that I could handle anything, no matter how difficult or strenuous. Even after running several miles, I was filled with a limitless amount of energy, my arms and legs pumping. In my ecstatic glee, I accelerated, going faster with each step I took. Stop. Did I hear something? I ignored it and continued running. Brian, stop. I was on top of the world, and the energy and joy I felt was so great. "BRIAN! STOP!" Suddenly, I snapped back into reality as I felt a strong hand grip down on my left shoulder, completely bringing me to a stop. Before I could react, a silver Mercedes zoomed across me, going at least 40 mph, a few inches from my body. I was in shock. If I had taken a mere baby step farther, I would have been hit. Foolishly, in my euphoria, I had taken a few steps into Oakton Street, without even bothering to look and see if traffic had stopped. Of course, it didn't stop. Cars were still zooming across at high speeds as I stumbled back into the sidewalk.

"S***!" I exclaimed. My palms grew sweaty as my adrenaline was forcefully being pumped into my blood. I took several deep breaths as I looked behind me and saw Hassan stare back at me in amazement, still grabbing my shoulder. Tears began to well up in my eyes. "Oh my God," I croaked out, my voice trembling with fear. I closed my eyes and took several more deep, shaky breaths. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." I was babbling nonsense, and I felt scared as hell. My legs became shaky as I understood what had just happened. I was enveloped in darkness as I continued to mumble out nonsensical apologies addressed to nobody. I was hysterical.

"Oh crap, I just saved your life." He looked calmly at me as he went on, "Dude, if you took another step, you would have died." I slowly regained my composure, and I nodded in silent agreement. The stoplight turned green, and we continued running.

It's good to have friends.

---

This happened on Thursday. Hassan and the others on the track team all told me after practice that I would have died had I taken another step. I don't doubt that for a second. I address this to Hassan: Hassan, I thank you so much for stopping me back there and pulling me back to reality. I owe you an infinite amount of gratitude for saving my life, and I know that for saving my life, you deserve so much more. If you weren't there, I wouldn't even be alive now. I still see that Mercedes almost hitting me so vividly still, and I constantly think of what would have happened if you weren't there, but I hope that during senior year, we could just look back at this incident and laugh. Once again, thank you.

100things

1. My name is Brian.
2. I am Korean.
3. I was born in Chicago.
4. I was born on August 18, 1989.
5. I am sexy.
6. I am tall: 6' 1".
7. I am popular.
8. I am a liar. Is this post a lie or not? Think about it.
9. I hold a warped view of myself.
10. I am a student.
11. I am not ghetto, and proud of it.
12. What is ghetto anyway? It used to be a noun, but now it's an adjective.
13. I like to write about myself.
14. I eat rice everyday.
15. I love rice.
16. My little brother's name is Jeffrey.
17. He's my favorite brother of all-time.
18. He's my only brother.
19. My mom makes awesome kimchi.
20. My mom makes awesome korean food.
21. Golf is an awesome sport.
22. Golf is a SPORT, not an activity or a hobby, or, "a game, like Monopoly."
23. I am on my high school's golf team.
24. Michael Crichton is a great writer.
25. I've read Disclosure, Rising sun, Andromeda Strain, Prey, Timeline, Terminal Man, Sphere, The Great Train Robbery, and probably another one. These of course, are all books by Crichton.
26. They are awesome books.
27. He is by far the best techno-thriller novelist.
28. I try too hard.
29. Getting past post 29 is the hardest part of making this list.
30. I like video games.
31. I have a GameCube.
32. I don't have any Playstations: you can't trust 'em.
33. Ikaruga's an awesome game, though nobody knows about it.
34. Super Smash Brothers: an awesome game.
35. Final Fantasy I-VI: you gotta' love 'em. I unfortunately haven't played FF VII and on.
36. Chrono Trigger is an awesome SNES RPG (Super Nintendo Role Playing Game).
37. I love anime and manga.
38. I have 48.77 gigabytes of manga and anime combined.
39. Naruto is an awesome manga and anime.
40. Chrno Crusade and Samurai Deeper Kyo is a great anime.
41. Black Cat, Prince of Tennis, Saiyuki, HunterxHunter, Monster, and 20th Century Boys are excellent manga titles.
42. I am so lost.
43. I feel given up on.
44. It hurts a lot to be all alone, being deemed as a lost cause.
45. I need to sort some stuff out with the Big Guy.
46. Why? That's all I ask. Why?
47. The frustration that I feel makes me want to yell as loud as I can and cry and beat the crap out of myself.
48. I am an extroverted introvert.
49. I am an introverted extrovert.
50. Is that contradicting?
51. If so, then come one, come all, take a look at the living Contradiction!
52. I am a hypocrite.
53. I have never gone out on a date...yet.
54. I also don't feel like going out on a date anytime soon. Unless there were a golf-playing, manga-reading, anime-watching, track-running, non-smoking, computer-loving, out-going, and in-going kind of girl. That would be cool.
55. But hey, nobody's perfect.
56. I strive for attention.
57. I say and do dumb things for a laugh, and over half the time, nobody laughs.
58. I love saying or doing clever things.
58. I love laughing.
59. Hence, I love jokes.
60. Just not knock-knock jokes, or corny junk like that.
61. Or really cruel jokes: some just aren't funny.
62. I love running.
63. I am on the NW track team.
64. Running outside, cold or warm, is awesome. It's a lot better than running around in a track: that's boring.
65. I have track practice before and after school from Monday to Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (though it's optional).
66. I am on the Math Team and on Academic Bowl.
67. My favorite classes: English, Biology.
68. My funniest teachers: my english teacher, my biology teacher, and my geometry teacher.
69. See the connection?
70. I find it exponentially harder to write something about myself as this list grows longer and longer with each post. It is especially hard to write something clever about myself.
71. It's amazing that I've been around for about 14 years and I find it difficult to say only 100 things about myself. I know so little about someone I've known my entire life.
72. I don't have a favorite color. It used to be blue, then it went to red, now I don't really know anymore. The color's gone out of my life, so what's the point?
73. A lot of the time, I ponder about completely useless stuff for long periods of time.
74. For example, if someone were truly tolerant, they would also have to tolerate intolerant ideas. That's some brain food for ya'.
75. Or another one: why is there braille on the drive through bank teller.
76. Also, I wonder whats greater, adding infinity to a number, or multiplying it to that same number.
77. Stupid stuff like that.
78. For about a week I tried to train myself to write with my left hand. I wrote the letter "a" at least a couple hundred times.
79. Currently the lowercase "a" is the only letter I can write well with my left hand.
80. My favorite oxymoron would probably be, "Microsoft Works."
81. I have gone to South Korea once.
82. My ability to play the arcade game "Pump it Up!" increased exponentially throughout my stay at Korea.
83. My ability to hold chopsticks increased exponentially throughout my stay at Korea.
84. I love verbing words.
85. To verb: to use a noun as a verb. Ex. "verb."
86. Some common examples in the English language: access, blog, e-mail, etc.
87. 1 0f73N f1nD 17 4nN0y1nG wh3n 50m30n3 7yp35 1n 1337. D0n'7 y0u?
88. Or when sum homie tryz ta' type all ghetto, G. Cuz wen' you type lyke dat', u soun' stupid.
89. I like listening to a wide assortment of music, not including rap, hip hop, r & b, pop, etc.
90. But I do like techno.
91. And I also like two rap songs.
92. Rapper's Delight by the Sugarhill Gang.
93. And the Superbowl Shuffle, baby!
94. I also like Buttercup, by the Temptations, which you are listening to right now!
95. Argh! I have a mental roadblock right now
96. But I must think of more witty things to say!
97. I am so tired.
98. I dislike getting my right contact ripped while it is istill in my eye. This just happened right now.
99. I can barely see right now.
100. I'm getting...dizzy...


--Wow. I can't believe I just did that. Looking back at this list, I just realized that 100 things is nowhere near enough to give some insight into my life, to define it. Most of it is superficial nonsense, and some doesn't even make sense. Anyway, my point is that if my life were defined by the 100 things above, then I would be a nobody, a loser, a mere shell of what I am.

Believe it or not, but right now you are being brain-washed with subliminal messaging in this very post! Yvan Eht Nioj! Of course subliminal messaging comes in many shapes and forms...DRINK MILK...so you should always remain wary of advertisements, blogs, etc. because of these messages. DRINK MILK!